Help me get a date!
or, I need a date
or, Why is dating so hard?

Are you in shape and free of bad habits and addictions? Yes? Good, but you're not ready to proceed yet. Go back to that mirror. Look at your teeth, eyes, and hair. If your teeth are not perfectly white and in reasonable shape, go see a dentist now and get your teeth bleeched. Wearing glasses? You may want to cosnider contacts. And no matter what you think of your hair, go to a beauty salon (not a barbershop) and find a stylist with good looking hair. If you are a man, tell him you want to impress the ladies and he can do whatever he wants with your hair. If you are a lady, do the same thing. Get a hairstyle that says you are looking for love.

Now there is one exception, if you're a man and you are going bald, go shave your head. That's right, just cut it all off and shave your head. Maybe grow a beard. If you're in shape (see previous paragraphs) you'll look better bald. Hair implants and magical 'formulas' to make your hair grow only fool one person: you. To everyone else you look silly. You're bald. Accept it. Be happy you're alive. Shave your head.

Now it's time to go shopping. At this point you should be lean, muscular, have great teeh and great hair (or have a shaved head). You're almost ready for dating, but you need one more thing: a new wardrobe. If you can, find someone with a sense of style to go with you to the mall and get several new outfits. Get fashions that are currently in style for your age group. Do not skimp on clothes. Get the nicest and best you can afford. While you're there get a new bottle of cologne, preferably a new fragrance that's just out.

What kind of car ar you driving? You need a nice car - people see your car as an extension of you. Lease one if you have to. Get a Corvette, Mustang, RX-8. It doesn't have to have all the options, but it needs to be relatively new, clean and nice. You want this car for 2 reasons: 1) to impress your date, and 2) to bolster your confidence and self-esteem. Don't believe me? Go to a dealership and test-drive any one of those cars and see how you feel. If you ever want to find that special someone, you've got to have a great car.

Now at this point you should be in shape, have no bad habits or addictions, have control of your diet and exercise, have great teeth and hair, have really nice clothes, and you're driving a great looking car (which you also keep clean). You've learned to take care of and appreciate your body, you're looking and smelling good all the time and you're confident. There are only 3 more things left to do: 1) Hire a maid, 2) Visit a professional photographer, 3) Sign up for online dating services like Match.com and eHarmony.com.

If you are a man, you want to hire a maid because you want your place to be clean all the time. I don't mean 'man-clean', I mean 'woman-clean'. I mean there is no mildew in the shower, the toilets are clean, your carpets are clean, your windows are clean, your bookshelves are dusted, your place smells fresh, etc. The only way to get your place 'women-clean' is to hire a woman to do it. If you can find someone who will do your laundry and iron all your new clothes as well, all the better. If not, take your laundry to the local cleaners regularly and let them handle it.

You want to visit a professional photographer because you need some really nice photos of yourself. You really want a pro to do this because you're going to be putting these photos online and on cards later. Have the photographer do several different locations if you can and wear different outfits for different photos. Try to get a photo with you at a park with children, or playing with a dog. You should get a photo of you and your new car too.

You need to sign up for every single online dating service you can afford. Every service you sign up for increases your chances of meeting someone. When you sign up, you're going to upload the professional photos you had taken. You need to be honest when you fill out the profiles on these sites. Once you're signed on you want to start asking women out "to lunch". You want to ask out as many as you possible can: take the shotgun approach. Now sit back and wait and watch as the dates start rolling in.

Congratulations! You are now dating. Not only are you dating, but you're looking good, and have a lot more confidence and self-esteem. The more you date, the better it will get because you will learn what works and what does not work for you. You may even have to get a day-planner just to keep your dating life organized. Go on lots of dates, meet lots of people, until you know what you are looking for. You have now greatly increased your odds of finding someone you may ultimately marry. Good luck!

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